Where is it?
06/10/23
Home feels a little different now.
The last few months being in Somaliland have been some of the best months of my life. I have never felt more free and more like myself, even though I haven’t quite figured out who I am yet. No school or work to think about, just spending time with family and making friends. Driving on the highways to different cities, seeing the mountains and the grasslands, had given me a sense of peace I had never felt before; knowing that I am a mere speck of being compared to the huge mass of land that is Africa. This was not my first or even second time going, but was my first time as an adult; free to do as I pleased. It felt refreshing to be surrounded by people who were similar to me but hadn’t known me my whole life. To be able to let loose; singing and dancing many of my nights away, staying out late with the friends that I made (not caring about their age or gender, just bonding through culture and personality). It awakened a part of me that I, deep down, knew was there but unable to reach. However, being out there for so long made me forget about real life, made me forget about the mundanity of life. The days leading up to going home came with a sadness that I had never felt before. Looking back, I think I was mourning the person I had become when I was there; carefree, worry-less… happy. Knowing that I would have to suppress the side of me that I had only just met was difficult, but I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to live in the summer bubble forever. When I arrived back in the UK I was greeted with the gloomy grey skies, it seemed as though the sadness of my departure had followed me home. I expected to at least enjoy the familiarity of home, but since being back it only serves as a reminder of who I had become and the part of myself that I had to leave behind. I always thought of home as my safe space, where I could bask in the comfort of my friends and family. Now I don’t know what to make of it. What I do know is that I have outgrown these walls that surround me. I loved being in Somaliland and what it taught me about myself but I know that it isn’t where I am supposed to be, at least for right now. They say home is where the heart is, but if it is not here and not in Somaliland… then where is it?